The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the day after is always just damage control
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
