i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
