The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
