I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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