You smell like a Billy Joel song
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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