when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
