fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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