You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
