I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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