Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
