I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
