her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
