I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize