she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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