it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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