It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
