apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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