I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's like heaven, but drunker
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
