So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
