Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
