i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
