New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
