you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
