Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize