I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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