At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
