Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize