They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I stole a fireplace last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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