Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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