tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
