I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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