i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
