so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
