Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
