my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
