And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
