You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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