Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
