The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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