I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
