so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
