Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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