Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
