i wish my penis had a tongue
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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