my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
