That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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