capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
