I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
