I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
