He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
