can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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