my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize