false alarm. still invincible.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
