So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
