Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
