happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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