you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
