Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize