just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
