are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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