I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
