halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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