I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
