Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
