omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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