i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
