the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
