You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
