'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
