Sponge bath it is.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
