Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
