Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize