i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
