i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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