i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
