Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
