and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
