I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
