i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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